Parents often keep children at the table far longer than is useful, usually in the hope that a few more minutes will result in a few more mouthfuls. In practice, it rarely does.

How long is realistic

A 4 to 5 year old will rarely be able to sit for longer than 8 to 10 minutes for a mealtime.

Beyond about 20 minutes, children will have gone past it. They will have had enough, and sitting there longer becomes difficult for them.

Obviously we do not want children eating too quickly either. But the expectation that a small child should sit through a long meal is not matched by what they can actually do.

Put a limit on mealtimes

Having a limit on mealtimes is really important. At nursery this is already in place, because mealtimes are structured and consistent. At home it is quite important to do the same thing.

A defined start and end helps because children really like knowing what to expect. Predictability is genuinely reassuring for them.

Signal that the meal is starting

Children like to know what is coming, so having regular mealtimes helps. Some children also benefit from something that marks the transition.

• Starting with a song, or some movement, works well for some children. It is almost like preparing the brain for the next task of eating.
• Tidying up toys before a meal can be a really good thing to do at home as well as at nursery.

Get the seating right

Comfortable chairs are really important, with footrests, so children are in the right position for feeding. This is easy to overlook at home, where children often end up on adult chairs with their legs dangling.

What to do when they are finished before you are

If food is refused, ignore it and keep calm. Ending the meal when your child has had enough is not giving in.

Avoid the rescue meal afterwards. If you top up with preferred foods, or offer something you know they will like, that often backfires and makes it harder for them to accept what you are offering next time. Know that you will be offering food again not too long after.

It also helps to remember the division of responsibility here. Your role is to provide a regular mealtime routine, offer a balanced and varied diet, role model eating and keep the environment pressure free. Your child's role is to decide what they eat from what you provide, how much, and whether they eat anything at all that day.

Avoid stretching the meal with pressure

The instinct at the end of a meal is to push for a bit more. Phrases like just take one more bite, or come on, hurry up, everyone is waiting, are exactly the ones worth dropping. They can be perceived as pressure, and pressure tends to make children go the other way.

Rewards or praise for finishing everything should also be avoided, along with encouraging children to clear their plate. Listen to hunger and fullness cues instead, and be aware of when your child has had enough.

Portion size affects how long they last

If a mealtime is dragging, portion size is worth checking. A recent survey found that 80 percent of parents may overestimate how much their child needs, and a large amount of food on a plate can simply be off putting, in the same way it can be for adults.

Start small, and add more. You can always top the plate up, and it avoids food waste at the same time.