This is one of the most common things parents raise with me. Their child weaned brilliantly, accepted all those different vegetables and fruits, ate everything put in front of them, and then somewhere around 18 months it all changed. The foods that were fine last month are now refused outright.

If that sounds familiar, there is a name for it, and it is a normal stage of development.

It is called food neophobia

Most toddlers go through a phase called food neophobia. It normally starts around the age of 18 months to 2 years, so it is happening during the nursery and preschool years.

What you will find is that food that was previously accepted starts to be refused. Alongside that, children often become reluctant to try anything new at all. They might start saying things are disgusting. They might refuse a food because it has touched something else on their plate.

Why it happens

Generally this comes down to the way their brain is developing, and the food not meeting their expectation.

The examples I use are small and very recognisable. The banana, instead of being yellow, has some bruising on it, so it is rejected. The biscuit is broken, so they do not want to have it that day. From the outside it looks like your child is being difficult about nothing. From their side, the food is not what they were expecting, and that matters to them.

It is worth remembering that eating is a very complex sensory task. It involves all of the senses, not just smell and taste. Adults subconsciously know what to expect from foods. Children are still learning what to expect, and when the expectation is not met, the food gets refused.

Appetite changes for lots of other reasons too

Before you assume every refusal is neophobia, it is worth knowing that appetite varies from day to day anyway, and it is governed by many different factors.

• How tired your child is.
• The growth stage they are going through.
• Whether they are about to come down with something. Children starting nursery go through lots of periods of being unwell.
• Separation anxiety or worry.
• Sensory issues.
• Any kind of pressure to eat.

Most children are quite good at regulating this over a week or so. It is very common to have off days, or days when children eat more than usual or less than usual.

What makes it worse

This is the important bit. With the right support, most children will naturally outgrow this phase. But we know that pressurising children, coercing them, and having very stressful mealtimes can make these issues worse, and can lead to poorer long term eating habits.

So the instinct to push harder when your child refuses food is understandable, and it works against you. More coercion and more pressure often just makes a child go the other way.

What helps instead

Keep offering, without pressure

Repeated offering is really boring, but we know some children need 15 or 20 exposures to a food, and some children need an awful lot more than that. Refusal on the fifth offer is not a verdict.

Ignore refusal and keep calm

If the food is refused, ignore it. Your body language and tone of voice matter as much as what you say, because children pick up on all of it.

Do not label your child

Try not to describe them as picky or fussy, particularly within earshot. If you are constantly talking about how little they ate or what they left, they will internalise it, and it can influence how they feel about food and about themselves.

Rotate the foods they do like

If you think you have a fussy eater, rotating their accepted foods matters, so they do not get really stuck on a few and leave you short if they drop them.

Avoid the rescue meal

Try to resist the urge to top up with preferred foods. If you keep offering a rescue meal, or something you know they will like, that often backfires and makes it harder to get them to accept what you are actually offering.

When it is more than a phase

Most children will experience some degree of fussiness and come out the other side. It becomes worth getting some help if your child is eating fewer than 20 different foods in total, if they are omitting whole food groups, if gagging and vomiting continue for weeks without resolving, or if they cannot self feed.

Reach out if you are unsure. Keeping a food diary for a week is genuinely useful, because it shows you how many different foods your child is actually eating, which is usually more or fewer than parents expect.